


Something Beautiful To See

by spockandawe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aftercare, Bondage, Established Relationship, F/M, Femdom, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Praise Kink, Spreader Bars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:12:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3403280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockandawe/pseuds/spockandawe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you ask if you can tie Karkat up tonight, he’s basically not surprised at all. It’s not an all-the-time-always thing, but it’s pretty standard! So he’s not surprised, no, but he still goes bright red and shrugs with one shoulder and says sure, he guesses he doesn’t have a problem with it (like you can’t <em>totally</em> see just how hard he’s blushing). It’s <em>pretty dang adorable.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Beautiful To See

                When you ask if you can tie Karkat up tonight, he’s basically not surprised at all. It’s not an all-the-time-always thing, but it’s pretty standard! So he’s not surprised, no, but he still goes bright red and shrugs with one shoulder and says sure, he guesses he doesn’t have a problem with it (like you can’t totally see just how hard he’s blushing). It’s _pretty dang adorable_.

                The two of you don’t bother to keep track of who’s doing what to who how often, but you really love the ropes because they toooootally get to him like whoa. You enjoy the whole overstimulation deal the best, seeing just how much input you can take before you crash, but Karkat’s super into the whole helplessness thing. He won’t admit it! Nope, Karkat’s a strong independent troll who don’t need no bondage kink, and yeah, hahaha, sure, whatever he says. Doesn’t change the way he gets all flustered and cute whenever you ask if you can tie him up!

                And hee, you know what? You’re feeling difficult tonight. If he wants to pretend like he’s not into this, then you’re going to play the exact same game!! Now that you’ve gotten agreement for how the two of you are playing tonight, you totally drop the issue. And pfffffaaaaaahahaaaa, _so worth it_!! The way Karkat reacts is absolutely _priceless_. He’s totally trying to play things cool, act like he’s all disinterested. Spoilers: Karkat is the actual _worst_ at playing it cool. It is so hard trying not to crack up at the way he can’t stop fidgeting, or all the super-duper-sneaky sideways looks he’s giving you, but nope, you are totally invested in these Very Important Things you are doing on your computer!

                There’s a couple of times where from the corner of your eye you see him open his mouth to say something, go bright red, and shut his mouth without making a sound, and you come sooooooo close to losing it. But no! You are a very serious person working on very serious things! These very serious things may or may not involve sending strings of blue and red almost-looks-like-actual-code gibberish back and forth with Mituna in a chatroom and asking Sollux to help the two of you debug it. And hahaha, Mituna isn’t even de-quirking his typing, so Sollux is barely getting things into a format he can read before one of you comes up with another very serious coding question! Basically, things are hilarious on _all_ fronts, and it’s a testament to your totally baller self-control skills that you don’t even crack up once!

                Messing with Sollux is entertaining enough that you leave Karkat stewing for almost an entire _hour_ before he snaps! He’s just sitting there, not _quite_ managing to play it cool, until he finally, out-of-the-blue snarls, “Unless you didn’t _want_ to get your fronds all over my hideous, desiccated husk of a body, I mean—”

                You type off a quick goodbye and shut your computer, “Nooooo, no, no, I am all about dat hideous desiccated husk of a body! That is my fetish!” You are completely serious, and your tongue is nowhere _near_ your cheek. No hint of a smile here! “All you had to do was ask!” Pfft. Ahaha, okay, maybe you’re not doing so well with this not-smiling thing, but it’s fine, because Karkat is totally glaring at you in the way that means he’s trying not to smile back.

                “So are we going to…?”

                “Going to what? Haha, I kid. Lead to the bedroom, you sexy stud, you!”

                It isn’t a long walk from your living room to your bedroom. But even for the little trip, you notice within the first few steps that Karkat’s holding his hand out a liiiiittle ways from his side, awkwardly hanging in midair, and he’s carefully not looking at it (or you)—You dart forward and grab his hand with both of yours, showering his fingers and knuckles with kisses until he’s red out to the tips of his ears. He starts grumbling about you being an embarrassment, and, and having shitty taste in kissing partners, blah blah, et cetera—But you notice that he doesn’t make a single effort to take his hand back.

                And once the two of you finally get to your bedroom (it slows things down a little when you’re trying to determine the maximum number of kisses that can be applied to a single hand), you sit Karkat down on the edge of your bed and start collecting toys! Now, this takes a little work. Because one, you didn’t actually plan anything for the night past ‘tie Karkat up,’ and two… You, uh. You have a lot of toys. A _lot._

                And you don’t regret your toys!! There is so much sexy, sexy variety in the wide world of things that can be applied to various interesting bits of anatomy. But you do feel a little silly when, say, you try to get some clothes from the closet and have to move a big ol’ box of dildos to get at half your shoe rack. Or your nightstand, one drawer is dedicated to rope and one is a tangle of vibrator cords, orphaned remotes, and piles of batteries. Not to mention the various other things scattered about your room! There’s the crops and floggers in the closet too, plus a whip you never got around to training yourself on, buttplugs get their own little box on a back shelf, fancy sexy clothing on another shelf, gags here, handcuffs there, and basically you are spoiled for choice and waffling back and forth on what kind of evening you want to have.

                Karkat’s used to it! And tbh, since these are your toys and you know what’s around a lot better than he does, he usually takes him even longer to decide what he wants to do when _he’s_ in charge. And you aren’t taking that long, really! Um, okay, ropes first. And conversation! And then you can toooootally pretend like you meant for him to be picking things out the whole time, yep, that sure was your secret master plan.

                You go to your rope drawer and ask, “Plain ol’ jute tonight? Or did you want something exciting?” You wave a coil of coconut rope at him and grin from ear to ear.

                “Jute, and I maintain that you have to be wrong in the head to actually _enjoy_ that coconut bullshit. There’s liking pain, and there’s stupid, and guess where coconut falls between those.” Oh well. Le sigh. You didn’t think he’d really go for it! Coconut rope prickles and burns in the _best_ way, and you love it to pieces, but he’s only asked for it like once. “And what are you planning to tie, because coconut rope hitting my gills goes all the way past stupid into questioning whether we lost the game after all and I’m stuck in my own private hell. Do you even have plans yet?”

                “Hmmmmmaybe not? That’s why you’re planning with me! Ooh, you know what, I bought some nice silk rope the other week, lemme see if I can dig that out.”

                You’re rummaging into the bottom corners of the drawer when your fingers run into something… metal? That sure ain’t no rope. You pull the whatever-it-is free, and ohhhhh, hey, you forgot you owned this! “Hey, Karkat, what about a spreader bar??”

                A little chirp sound slips out before he can stop himself, but he does do his best to cover it up by being a little embarrassed and a lot angry. Definitely not a conspicuous reaction! “So you don’t even know what rope you want to use or how you want to tie it, and then you decide to pull some bullshit like throwing mystery toys into the mix at the last minute? Wow, that sure inspires fucking confidence right there, I’m feeling so good about tonight’s plans.”

                Yes, yes, yes, okay, you are totally fooled, Karkat is absolutely not interested in this last-minute mystery toy. You should just accept that he’s _totally_ not into it and give it up right now. You toss it up onto the bed. “Sounded like a yes to me! Those cuffs clip onto your ankles, btw. And it’s only like, I dunno, a foot and a half? So we can probably leave that on as loooong as we want.”

                That gets you another muffled chirp. Man, _score_. It’s like you got a secret future Christmas present for yourself. “On my ankles?”

                “Yep! It’s a spreader bar! You get one guess for just what it spreads. WINK.”

                He doesn’t reply, but when you sneak a glance over at him, he’s turning the spreader bar over in his hands, looking between it and his feet. Aw yiss. And hey, there’s your silk rope! It’s bright red, so it’s double perfect for Karkat, and he’s gonna look sooooo nice all done up like this.

                “Other ideas?”

                He jumps. “I’m not going to be able to close my legs like this.”

                You can’t help laughing! “Nope! Kinda the point, you know?” Man, you are grinning from ear to ear, and it _never_ stops being old getting to try new stuff with Karkat like this. “Unless you don’t… want it?”

                He glares and snaps, “I didn’t say _that._ ”

                Pfffffft. Omg. _So precious_. You go rummage in the closet, because ropes are good and spreader bars are good, but it feels like you’ve got a nice scene building, y’know? It’d be a shame to waste it on a quick finish.

                “Anything else you want? Last call for input, and then you’re going to be at my mercy for the rest of the evening! Gags? Impact toys? Sheath plug? Pretty clothes? I know you wanted to try the hobble skirt, but that’s kind of the opposite of the spreader bar, sooooo…”

                Karkat is still turning the spreader bar over in his hands. “Not the sheath plug. I don’t know, I can still barely keep track of all this hoofbeastshit. Haven’t we already established that I’m an embarrassing failure at keeping all these things straight? Whatever you want to do to my hideous excuse for a body is fine.”

                You wince a little, where he can’t see you. “Heyyyyy, none of that.”

                And agh, you should have known that disagreeing when Karkat tries to talk shit about himself is good for an immediate one-way ticket to nopeville. He immediately counters with, “How about the fact that I—”

                “I know! No gags, but the rules are you can’t talk until I tell you to!” You take a moment to settle your face, then turn around and waggle your eyebrows in the silliest, most distracting of manners. “And if you break the rules you’re going to get punished!” What a smooth derailing. Truly you are a master of subtlety.

                Karkat is glaring at you. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth for what’s almost definitely an argument about how much he sucks, so you cut him off before he can even get started.

                “Waitwaitwait, yes or no! You’ve gotta give me an answer first! Promise we can talk about whatever you want later, but right now is play time! The scene starts as soon as we get this sorted. A few minutes ago you were all impatient because I made you wait this long!”

                He still looks skeptical. “You just want to do this because you know I’ll fuck up.”

                “Nooooo, no, I’ll be nice! The nicest! Umm, lemme think. Pain noises, or sex noises, that’s all allowed. Just no words! You can be as noisy as you want, as long as you’re not saying actual words! And I won’t set up any other rules, I swear.”

                “Really.”

                “Really! I’m not trying to just set you up to be punished. Unless that’s what you want?” You waggle your eyebrows from more. The silliest, waggliest eyebrows in paradox space have taken up residence on your face! “Is it what you want? The sexiest of punishments?”

                He’s all red now, and he just shakes his head, and looks back down at the spreader bar in his hands. “I guess not talking. Is fine.”

                “Good!” And before he can say another word, you bend down, hands braced on the bed on either side of his hips, and kiss him good and hard. And hee, from up here you have _all_ the leverage, so it isn’t long before you grab his wrists and pin him to the bed, with him all flushed and breathless underneath you.

                You do get up eventually, because you definitely haven’t forgotten about the spreader bar, or the rope! And there’s still all the other possible toys to consider. You tell him, “Remember, no talking from this point on!” And then you go back to rummaging through your closet. When you look back at him over your shoulder, he’s sitting up again, looking a little dazed and a lot more rumpled than he did a few minutes ago. He does wave the spreader bar at you when he sees you looking, and, “Oh, go ahead and get naked and strap yourself in! Go ahead and get a feel for it, ‘cause I don’t want you to hurt yourself struggling later, awright?”

                And then you turn around for reals to make a last pass through your toys. Probably you won’t need much of them if this scene goes the way you’re thinking, but a little (a lot) of psychological warfare can’t hurt, right? So you go nuts! You start tossing out a flogger, the one with the zig-zag edges on the leather straps, some paddles, a few crops. You add a few of your biggest, most intimidating dildos, then go rummage through your nightstand for a selection of vibrators. Will you use all of these things? Any of them? Who knows! What’s important is that by the time you’re done, Karkat is watching with wide eyes, with his thighs pressed just as close together as he can get them with the spreader bar in the way.

                Awww, you don’t think you’ll _ever_ get over what a precious cutie he is!! You grab the silk rope and flop down on the bed next to him, pulling him over towards you for more kisses. And hey, what a good opportunity to get a nice handful of dat Karkat booty. It’s so funny, because Karkat seriously _cannot_ get enough of this (which is a situation you are _more than fine with_ ). It takes just a pinch of affection to get him going, and that sets off the best cycle ever, where he just wants more affection, which of _course_ you give him, how could you say no? And then that affection makes him want more affection, which makes you want to give him more affection, and yep, this is officially the best cycle ever.

                Of course, none of this ever gets said outright! You think if you brought it up in plain English, Karkat would toooootally shut down and deny it all. It might be tricky to get him to say what he wants out loud, but _man_ does he have some nice body language. You aren’t in any rush to tie him up, because he might be awfully pretty that way, but right now you’ve got one of his hands cradling the back of your neck and his lips brushing oh-so-gently against yours. You like the way his fangs feel against you, but it absolutely melts your heart how careful he is not to hurt you. And already you’re way into this, because this should be a familiar situation, but he’s having to adjust to the way the spreader bar holds his legs apart, and he keeps fighting against it and getting nowhere, and yeah. This is doing it for you. And when he finally growls in frustration, hauls you in close and kisses you deeper? Mmmmm, wow, _yes please_. It definitely makes a girl feel like she’s wanted!!

                But. But but but. Ropes! You aren’t forgetting the ropes. Karkat likes being helpless, even if he’s too embarrassed to admit it out loud, and _wow_ do you like watching him struggle. It takes you a couple of tries to take a break from the kissing, because self-control is a thing that happens to other people, but eventually you manage to pull away. You ask Karkat how he’s doing and kiss him on the tip of his nose, to be silly, which gets you a flat look and a theatrical, exaggerated eye roll. You can’t help laughing!! “Just wanted to see if you remembered!” He’s still giving you that flat look, but his mouth is twitching up at the corner and he isn’t trying to hide it, and wow, it is so unfair how so much cuteness can be packed into one body!

                Also, also, when you help him upright and set him kneeling on the bed, his sheath is already flushed and starting to dilate, just the teensiest little amount. Troll bits, they’re a little slow to get going! When you’ve got the sexy hatred and plain ol’ platonic hatred in the mix, it’s _real_ good to sort out which is which before some delicate pieces of anatomy come out to play. Consider how fast it is to rev you up, Karkat’s always super apologetic, but you don’t mind at all! It makes you slow down, take your time, really savor the experience instead of sprinting to the finish line. And hee, it means you have sooooo much fun stuff you can still do to him.

                Ropes first! Or at least… a _little_ bit of ropes first. You cross Karkat’s arms behind his back and tie his wrists together, but once that knot is secured? That’s most important functional bit! He’s basically helpless right now, he’s been ordered not to speak, and you’re free to do aaaaaaanything you want. You mean, you take it easy at first! You just drape yourself up against his back and, y’know. Have a good time just touching him. Not even anything that majorly sexy! You can feel his claws pressing against your stomach, which gives you a private little thrill, but you’re just. Touching him.

                You’re kissing the back of his neck a bit, wrapping your arms around his chest to hold him close. When you reach down to his sides to run your fingers along his opercula, he shivers and presses back against you. Hell. Yes. You could have him forever this way, heck, you could spend hours just curled up against him for how _warm_ he is. Like this, you can feel every reaction he has every time you touch him, and with these rules, where he’s allowed to make some pretty noise for you, but he can’t use words? Yeah, this is a scenario you’re going to have to revisit in the future.

                But! For now, you have other plans. Because when you were started, you only just barely managed to avoid a big fight over whether or not Karkat is the most worthless being in existence because you were a difficult lil’ shit. And you know that’s the argument you avoided, because it’s one that comes up… a lot, whenever you get tired of Karkat talking so nasty about himself. Which is a tricky thing! Because it’s not like the whole self-hate thing follows any set rules, and wow, it would be kind of awful to just order Karkat not to say anything bad about himself ever. But sometimes, you kind of want to compliment him and _not_ be setting yourself up for a nasty argument about whether or not he’s literally the worst person in the multiverse. So hey, why not tie him up, order him not to speak, and see how much you can get away with?

                You fiddle with the ropes a bit to give yourself time to think. The silk’s really nice and all, and you think you can make a pretty harness-thing if you improvise a bit, and the red’s going to look so striking against his skin, and you’re not avoiding this complimenting Karkat thing at all, what are you talking about? Once you shift around to his front, you can see that he looks hella suspicious, and aghhh, your face is probably showing that you’re nervous, so you make a point of grinning big and goofy as you lay rope down riiiiight between two of his gills.

                You don’t leave it there, because if that slipped wrong you could hurt him like _whoa_ , but it’s a most excellent distraction! And once Karkat’s not looking at you, you nerve yourself up just a teeny bit, and manage, “ _Dang,_ but you look super pretty like this.”

                Ooh, haha, that gets you a nasty glare. You put a few lines of rope down. You’re not delaying things. Nope nope nope, ahahahaaaaa, why would you think that? “You. Are pretty, though. You really are. Funny story, did you ever wonder why I tied you up and told you not to talk?”

                And fuck, you can feel the tension snapping all into him, just like that. There’s no smiles, no silly Karkat frowny faces, his lips are pressed tight together and he’s curling forward around himself and shiiiiiiiiit you did that, this is your fault— “Karkat? Karkat, hey, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” Goddammit, you fucked this up real bad. Good job Roxy. Just great. “Karkat? You’ve been fine, just fine, you’ve been _great_ , and this isn’t the punishment bit at all, promise. I swear. And, and I told you not to talk, but you’ve still got your safewords, red, yellow, green, all that. Okay?”

                He’s still not looking at you, and your chest feels all tight and unhappy, because that’s not—You knew this probably was going to get a little rough. You did. But you’ve hardly even started yet, and it’s already like this, and you’re rubbing his shoulders and second-guessing the hell out of yourself on whether he wants you there or not. You’re about to peace out of the scene on his behalf when he takes a deep, shuddery breath, sits back on his heels, and gives you the nastiest glare you ever did see.

                “Um. Red?” He shakes his head. “Yellow?” A pause, but then another head shake. “Um. Seriously though, you don’t have to put up with my dumb ideas if you don’t want to, really-really- _really_ , I promise—” He rolls his eyes so hard it echoes all down through his body, his head and shoulders all rolling with it too, and it’s so very Karkat, that you have to giggle, just a bit. “Green?” He stares at you levelly for a moment, sighs, and nods. Just the tiniest little nod, but it’s there.

                Okay. Okay. Deep breath. You are going to proceed _cautiously_ , but it ain’t necessarily time to give up on your original idea just yet. You’ve gotta remember that Karkat’s the one in Karkat’s head, and he knows his safewords, and he knows what he’s comfortable with. Awright. You can’t let this derail you, and you need to keep your head in the game.

                Complimenting Karkat! That’s a thing you can totally do. Once you move around behind him so you’re not looking at his face anymore. “You know I totes meant that though, right? Because you are super pretty. And not just like this, but basically all the time always! Like, even that booty, man.” You tie off the rope real quick and reach down to give that choice booty a nice squeeze. “What’s that one song go like? I hate to see you go, but _dang_ do I like to watch you leave.”

                Karkat makes a little snorty noise that is _definitely_ not a smothered laugh, riiiiight, but it’s legitimately not an argument with what you’re saying. And that’s good! You let yourself relax, just a tiny bit. “And you’re not just pretty either! You’re the best in approximately a million and one ways, I took some very serious surveys, all kinds of math up in this joint. We’ve got a margin of error of about three ways that you’re the absolute best ever, so I can say with ninety five percent certainty that you’re the literal, absolute, quantitatively ranked best between nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety eight, and one million and four ways. Serious statistics, yo.”

                Blahhh, you’re babbling. But you scoot around back so you can see Karkat’s face and say, “Any arguments?”

                He rolls his eyes soooooo hard, and if you looked at his hands he’s probably doing his best to flip you off. Pfff. You can’t help laughing! “And no arguments have been heard! We are in unanimous agreement! And oooh. Looks like someone else is trying to cast a vote too!”

                It takes him a moment to catch on, and he doesn’t get it until you look meaningfully down at the red bulge tip juuuust beginning to poke out of its sheathe. He blushes like _whoa_ and makes a strangled noise that’s _awful_ close to being words… but you’re not here to be mean! You can wait to punish him until he screws up for real.

                “Hey, Karkat, how do you feel about cold hands?” Hahaha, you kid, but also… you might be a little serious. He can’t move so great with the spreader bar and ropes all set up, and it’s just so fun to tease him! Watching him try (and fail) to shift away as you inch cloooooooser and closer—When you finally stop playing and get a big ol’ palmful of bulge and nook, he jerks and hisses and gives you an extra-angry glare, but that does absolutely nothing to hide the way a few more inches of bulge ease their way out into your hand.

                Omg, too cute. Tooooo cute! “Ima tip you over okay?” Hee, the spreader bar makes it real interesting to find a position where he can relax. And hey, you don’t want him being _too_ comfortable! He ends lying flat with his arms under his back, and you let him know that his safeword for just-arms is ‘hey roxy, you dipshit, my arms hurt.’ And then you settle back just past his feet and take a niiiiice long look. “Gotta be real, I am _loving_ this view.”

                He struggles! Man, you never get tired of this bit. You wish you could see his face better, because you bet he’s red as _anything_ , but you do have a nice awesome look at how his bulge unsheathes the rest of the way and twists against his thighs. He’s trying soooo so hard to close his legs, and he can’t and god, this is just the _most_ precious. You seriously hope he wants to play with the spreader bar more often, because yeah. This is doing it for you.

                It isn’t too long before Karkat’s bulge starts trying to curl around and up into his nook, and nope! That’s way too easy! You stretch out next to him, and pull it out real slow and gentle, and you can’t help grinning at the little noise he makes at the back of his throat. You let it twist around your fingers just fine, but you don’t give him any attention of your own, even when he tries to roll his hips up towards your hand.

                Hee, from the way he’s looking at you, he wants to talk so bad, and it is just the _cutest!_ But! It’d be a shame to have the whole evening be nothing-but-bondage, and you still want to try this whole complimenting-Karkat-when-he-can’t-argue thing. Aaaaand you take a deep breath. “Remember how I said you were the best in a million ways? Why don’t we walk through some of that.” You reach up with your free hand and boop his nose, and he must be really confused, because he doesn’t try to snap at your fingers, even a little bit.

                “Uh. Haha. Omg, there’s too much to choose from, where should I start? Ummm, I guess first of all, I really do mean this. I’m not just saying it for shits and giggles. But I feel like you’re still not gonna believe me? Because normally, it’s like I say something like how it’s so cute that all your friends love you so much, and that should be fine, yeah? But it turns into a big thing, where you’re all talking about how that just shows they have shitty judgment, you’re the worst person for X, Y, and Z reasons, by all rights paradox space shoulda just imploded when you were hatched, blah, blah. And that’s kind hard to hear, y’know?”

                He’s all stiff and unresponsive. He isn’t trying to shift away or anything, but he’s not moving at _all,_ even when you tease at the base of his horns. And when you try to make eye contact, he shuts his eyes and presses his lips tight together. “And, and, I don’t want to tell you not to feel things that you feel. That, wow, that would be shitty of me. But it feels like you don’t believe _me_ when I tell you nice things. Which sucks! If I didn’t actually have a million and one reasons to adore you, I would’ve peaced out of the relationship forever ago. You know that right?” No response. His bulge is still twisting around your fingers.

                “So. Um. Your friends, that’s a good place to start, I guess. Because dang, son, look at all those crazy characters that you got through the end of the world! All y’all get together and it’s hella hard to do something as basic as pick a place to eat out, and you totally wrangled them all through the game and kicked major ass in the process. And _Eridan_ even likes you! I was pretty sure the dude wasn’t actually capable of expressing positive emotion, but he respects the shit out of you like whoa. _All_ of them do!”

                That gets a little disagreeing noise out of him. And. You’re not being too pushy, right? You mean. You kind of are, but this is within the bounds of what’s okay… you think? Karkat has his safewords, and you already reminded him of them once. _You_ have your safewords. This is okay. You’ll, ha, you’ll just keep telling yourself that and maybe soon you’ll believe it. “No, for reals! Even Vriska barely fronts at all when she talks about you, and Equius barely remembers to pile on the silly hemocaste bullshit. Bet you can’t tell me one person from your session who shouldn’t like you. I double dog dare you! You’re allowed to talk for that answer, btw.” And while you’re at it, you start running your fingers along his bulge, too slow to do much good, but _definitely_ fast enough to be one hell of a distraction. It’s pretty dang rewarding when his hips twitch up against your hand.

                It takes a few moments for Karkat to pull the words together, and his eyes are still shut, but he takes a shuddery breath, licks his lips, and mutters, “Who shouldn’t like me? _All_ of them—”

                “BZZZT, wrong! Karkat. Karkaaaaaaat. _Kaaaaaaarkat_. I could run through all of them one by one and talk foreeeeever about how they think you’re awesome. Hm, do I have any juicy gossip things I’m allowed to disclose? Because you can bet your ass I’ve got firsthand information on _all_ fronts. Oh, btw, that covers the two human sessions too. And the other troll session! And the dear, sweet Mayor. Oh dear, it appears you have achieved universally adored status! Ahhh, I know! Tavros was actually _arguing_ with Kankri about you, would you believe that? Kankri was trying to be all ‘blah blah, offensive, triggering, insensitive, blah,’ and Tavros was all like ‘no, because those are just the words, and it’s not reflected, in your actions, and your actions are basically, the opposite.’ Something like that!”

                “Then Kankri—”

                “ _Hey now_. No more talking! You get one warning, and that’s it. And nope, not Kankri either! Because do you think he’d spend so much time on you if he thought you weren’t worth it? Do you reaaaaaally think he’d be trying to ‘educate’ you so hardcore if he didn’t like you at least a little? ‘Cause he sure doesn’t do that to most of the other people I now. Ooh, segue, I am the best planner, it is me. Because look how sweet you are, going out of your way to spend time with people who need it. Just look at Kankri, poor dude’s lonely as fuck, which really sucks hardcore, but it really IS hard to hang out with him for long, because he’s so… Kankri. Y’know? Hmm, I wonder who’s a sweet someone who mighta gone out of their way to go to every single one of his book club meeting, no matter how silly and obnoxious the books always are? That’s like three solid hours, every week! Never mind when he invites you out for tea and shit, how often do you say no?”

                Karkat’s not responding again. His hips are still rolling against your hand, and you juuuust barely run one finger around the edges of his nook. “Or hey, what about Horuss? Don’t even front, I know you’re the one who texts him what’s happening when his friends forget to let him know what’s up. And I know how long you spent talking Dirk through the whole Jake thing, and _wow_ that was one hell of a mess. Once Dirk shut down, I had trouble even making a dent in that head of his, and guess who’s the one who kept at him, even when he was being a total self-loathing butt? What about Kanaya, or Vriska, or Dave, or—”

                He’s just shaking his head, chewing on his lip. But he still hasn’t said a word. His bulge is dripping all over your hand by now, and you can feel his legs shake as he tries to fight the spreader bar, and he’s still pressing up against you. When you run your fingers around the base of a horn, he shivers all over. “See, I think the deal is that you’re like, _crazy_ good at finding the good bits of other people. Except you! Kind of a hole in your perception, yeah? Because like, Janey might look at Cronus and be like ‘what a bag of alien dicks,’ and you can still unwrap him in your head and see all the bits of him that aren’t so bad, and the bits that are worth having around, all the best things about him, y’know? And hey, whaddaya know, there’s another person who adores you. He might still proposition you like whoa, but compare the way he hits on you and the way he hits on everyone else, and ngl, it’s kind of sweet watching him try to pick you up. It’s a bit more heartfelt, more genuine, yeah?”

                “But you, you don’t want to, um. Admit that there’s anything good about you, not seriously. I’m trying to think here, and you’ll talk yourself up like, ‘grrrr, I am a big strong threshecutioner and I eat trolls like that for breakfast, grarrararrrrrrr.’ Or you’ll talk about how you’re a deadly leader and a force to be reckoned with, all that. But then I turn around and say that it’s super impressive how you led your game session, and it turns into a big ol’ rant where you have to break down every single wrong decision you ever made. Even when it wasn’t your fault! Zero kidding, zero irony, Karkat, you did _so fucking good_ leading your session, I can’t even imagine doing half of that without peacing out for a year, just to recover. And you came through with everyone adoring the hell out of you! And guess what, not just luck, because I adore the hell out of you twice as much as everyone else does. I mean, just look at you!”

                He does move then. He rolls away from you, up onto his side, and he curls in tight around himself. But, um. No safeword? His legs are in an awkward position, and you rub soothing circles into his hip for a minute before venturing, “I, um. If I didn’t think you were pretty much the best person I’ve ever met, I wouldn’t be here.”

                And that’s when his shoulders start shaking. You’re frozen for a moment, because, because what do you _do_ , you didn’t plan for this, you really didn’t plan, and then Karkat whispers, “ _Yellow._ ”

                Ahhh, okay, okay, shit. You’ve got this. You sit up on the bed and get your back against the headboard, then drag him into your lap so you’re all wrapped up tight around him. Karkat’s, um. Crying. You tuck his head into the crook of your neck and hold him tight. He’s staining your shirt red (and your pants too), but wow, look at all the fucks you don’t give. When you ask him if he wants to be untied, all he does is shake his head with his face still buried in your neck. So you just hold him and run your fingers through his hair. You kind of want to be saying every reassuring thing that pops into your head, but that’s kind of what you were doing before, and if it got to him this much, you don’t want to push him much harder.

                It takes a little while for him to chill. And tbh, even when he finally lifts his head, totally fails to make eye contact, and mutters, “I’m fine,” you, um. Kind of don’t believe him. His eyes are all puffy and his nose is red, and he still seems a bit fragile to you. But no matter how you try to ask if he needs more of a break, he’s pretty dang insistent that he wants to keep going. His… anatomy seems pretty insistent too, but you’re more concerned with how _Karkat_ is doing.

                “Tell you what,” you finally say, “You pick the next bit. What do you want me to do?”

                He shrugs—as much as he _can_ shrug with his arms still all tied up, and his cheeks flood with color. “Touch yourself?”

                “Ooooh, _babe_ , I can _so_ do that for you, you have no idea.” You lease him down onto his back again, and undo your pants juuuuust enough so that you can get a hand inside. You just have to look at him lying there, with his legs all held apart and his bulge twisting against his stomach, and. Mm. Yeah, you can _definitely_ touch yourself for him.

                And hnn, this whole thing has gotten you more hot and bothered than you’d realized, because. Just. _Wow,_ the moment you get a hand on yourself, and the way Karkat’s _watching_ you— “Damn, just you at you,” you say. “You sure know how to make a girl feel appreciated.” And you know what, you’ve got a hand free, so you generously apply said hand to Karkat’s bulge, and touching him in rhythm with how you’re touching yourself, and watching the way his hips twitch and his legs shake—

                It isn’t the most earth-shattering orgasm you’ve ever had, but _damn_ is it satisfying. You curl forward around your hand until you just tip onto the bed next to him and ride the whole thing out while his bulge curls around your fingertips. When the last aftershocks have finally died out, you grin up at him and say, “Hiiiiiii~”

                “Hi to you too,” he mumbles. D’awww, he’s blushing so hard! “So am I still supposed to be doing this ‘no talking’ hoofbeastshit, or…?”

                “Hmm. Idk, dude, that whole thing hit you pretty hard by the end—”

                “I can _handle_ it.” He’s glaring at you good, and he’s got his jaw set in the way that means this is going to be one heck of an argument if you want to get him to drop it. Hummmmmm.

                “New conditions, then. No talking, _except_ I’m going to check for your color more often, yeah? That looked like it was pretty rough by the end.”

                “Fine. But I’ve got this. It isn’t a big deal. I can handle it.”

                Uh-huh, yeah, okay. “Awright then. No talking, starting now, or you’re going to force me come up with a super awesome punishment!”

                So. Let’s see. Before it was the really personal stuff that set him off, right? Maybe you can kinda ease back in with some silly, shallow stuff, because _dang,_ you could appreciate him on that front for hours. And hee, in the time it’s taken you to reorient yourself, his bulge has made its way back to his nook. “Just lookit you being super distracting! Gotta be real, I could watch you fuck yourself basically forever, no lie. But I think it’d be cheating to let you finish yourself that easy!”

                You stop his bulge where it is, barely an inch into his nook. Juuuust enough to tease him something awful, and with plenty of space to let your fingers play with the rest of him! “Just look at this pretty little bulge! Had some fun watching me touch myself thinking of you, huh? Because Karkat, Kaaaaaaaaaaarkat, I could touch myself watching you all day long.” He makes a soft little noise, but his bulge thrashes—Or it would thrash if you were letting him move the way he wants! “What’s your color, babe?”

                “Green—”

                “Oh good, because I am nowhere _near_ being done talking about what a cutie you are! I mean goddamn, just look at you! I mean your face, that’s just so super excellent on its own, and I get to see that all day, because apparently I was good enough to get the _best_ Christmas present, but aww, look at this precious little nook! You slip in a finger next to his bulge, and hee, his thighs are shaking so hard as he tries to fight the spreader bar, and you’ll never get enough of how warm and perfect he is on the inside. “Like _dang,_ makes me want to get my harness and do right by you myself—Though I think like this we’d have to turn you over and get you on your knees. You wouldn’t hardly be able to move, and I’d just get to do whateeeeever I wanted to you.”

                He writhes against the sheets and gasps, “Ha _aahhhh_ ,” halfway between a gasp and a moan. You slip another finger in him, and that’s almost too tight with his bulge up there too, but it’s _totally_ worth it for the way he tries to press down against your fingers.

                And so you stop moving! You just hold yourself right where you are while he fights to get more movement, more contact, but with the ropes and the bar he’s just so helpless and precious and it makes you just _melt_. “Hey, heyyyyyy, relax! What’s so urgent?” Ooh, hahaha, that gets you a nasty look. “I’m just having a good time watch you being all adorable right here. Color?”

                “Green, green, _please—”_

                “Ohhhh, Karkat, what was that? That sounded like a word!” He’s shaking his head with his lips pressed together, but nope! You heard what you heard. “ _Sigh_. Sounds like somebody just lost their fingering privileges!” You take a moment to think, dragging his bulge out of his nook so he’s juuuust barely touching himself, then letting him press the tiniest bit inside again. “Uh oh, guess that somebody’s gotta deal with more hearing nice things about himself! Truly I come up with the most unbearable of punishments.”

                He does… look legitimately nervous at that. Colors, you’re not going to forget about colors. “Lemme see. Oh, I’ve got it. So it is basically the _sweetest_ thing ever how much time you’re willing to spend on your friends. Like, I definitely have those times where I have to shut everyone out and get some space, but I’m pretty sure that’s not a function you have built in! I totally see you when you’re totally worn out and stressed and whatev, but then someone’s like ‘omg, Karkat, I need advice,’ and you’re like ‘okay sure, let me spend hours troubleshooting your life.’ Do you have any idea how much I _admire_ that? Color, btw.”

                “G—Green.”

                “Admiration, that is a thing that is _seriously_ fucking happening all up in this joint. Never mind everyone else, I’ve already talked forever about how much everyone else likes you. Time to talk about how much I like you! Because I enjoy people a lot, y’know, but doing the whole human thing can be super exhausting. And then I see you taking on absolutely everything that anyone might want you to help with and doing your best by them, and it’s like _damn_. Melts my heart every time, yo. Color, please!”

                “Green,” he whispers. You think if he had his arms free, he’d be hiding his face. As it is, he’s looking off way into the corner of the room, and his eyes are suspiciously shiny. You do manage to wiggle a hand underneath him and find one of _his_ hands, and he clings onto you so tight it makes your fingers ache.

                Your voice catches a little when you try to talk again. “So I pretty much think the goddamn world of you, and I don’t think I’m just being dumb, because practically everyone we know agrees with me. And, and look at you now, you’re being so good, even though I’m being all pushy right now. And wow, when you’re in charge instead, lemme tell you, I’ve never felt so cared for in my _life_. Like, idk, I could let you tie me up and blindfold me and gag me, and just leave me there, and I’d still feel totally safe because I knew you were taking care of me. And I’ve never regretted trusting you like that, not once, not even when I’ve had to red out.” You’re watching him real close, and you catch the moment the first tear makes a break for it. “Basically, whenever I’m in charge, all I’m hoping is that I can get somewhere close to being as good for you as you’ve been for me. I feel like you think that you always care about people a lot more than they care about you, but. It's not. It's not always true. Promise. _Promise._ ”

                If he talks now, you… don’t think you’re gonna punish him for it. He doesn’t though, he sniffles once, then sets his jaw and keeps staring off into the distance, like you totally can’t see the tears still rolling steadily off his chin.

                “Hey, babe. What do you want?”

                He just shakes his head and squeezes his eyes tight shut.

                “You want me to stop?” Whoa, that gets you a _super_ emphatic head shake. “You don’t know?” He doesn’t move, and yeah, you think that’s probably it. He isn’t sobbing, but his shoulders are shaking and he’s breathing too fast and tears are still streaming down his cheeks. “I’m gonna finish this off, okay? We’re going to let you down real gentle and easy, just you relax and let me take care of you.”

                You’re still holding one of his hands with one of yours, and your arm’s starting to go a bit numb, but like hell are you letting go of him right now. This _does_ mean you are experiencing an unfortunate hand shortage, so you do stretch out next to him so that at least you can kiss his cheek and nuzzle against him while he cries. And with your one remaining hand, you give him as much attention as you can manage.

                You let his bulge curl as far as it can into his nook. Should you get a toy—? No, you’re not going to pull away from him now, definitely not worth it. Instead you do what you can to press his bulge deeper, and slip two fingers into his nook on top of that. It’s not as deep as you’d be able to get with a toy, but he’s getting the stretch and the movement, and you’re whispering lovely little things about how long you’re going to have him carry his own material before you’ll let him fill a pail, and how fucking _gorgeous_ he is when he’s letting you wreck him like this.

                It takes a few minutes, but it’s worth it. Karkat curls toward you as much as he can, sobbing and burying his face in your hair while he shivers. You can just barely make out him calling your name, and aww, that is the _sweetest_ thing, he is the absolute sweetest, and you seriously don’t know what you did to ever deserve him. His legs are shaking bad enough that you’re starting to get a bit worried about his hips, and once he’s mostly settled and just breathing short and sharp against your neck, you do your best to ease him gently upright.

                He’s… hahaha, well he’s not totally with the program! He’s dazed as heck, with his eyes puffy and bloodshot and his face all blotchy and damp. You kiss him once on each cheek, whispering that he was so good, so perfect, he did so well, and you go to untie him. You do the spreader bar first, because it’s easiest, just two sets of buckles to undo. You move his legs carefully together, bending them one at a time and watching his face for pain, but he just watches you without ever really quite focusing his eyes. His arms take a little longer, you have to ease them down, make sure his fingers are doing okay, geeeeently, gently move his hands back around so they’re folded loosely in his lap.

                So far, so good! But when you break away for just a second to bounce off the bed and drop the ropes and bar in a corner, Karkat makes a noise that doesn’t quite resolve into words, lurches towards you, and nearly tips over. You just about have a heart attack. You drop the things right where you are and dive back to catch him. He’s crying harder than he was before, wrapping his arms tight around you and clinging on with hands that don’t quite work right yet, while you pretty much fall over yourself apologizing.

                “Heyyyy, hey, shhhhh, don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! Shooooosh, I’ve got you, I was just putting the rope somewhere where we won’t sleep on it. Remember when you ended up with rope marks all over your face right before you were supposed to go out for drinks with Meenah? That’s all I was doing, I’m right here, I’ve got you.”

                You end up with him all curled up in your lap again. And like fuck are you letting go again before you’re sure he’s absolutely fine, but you can juuuust manage to snag a fleece blanket sitting at the foot of the bed, so you can get him all wrapped up in you _and_ the blanket. You wind up with his back against your chest, holding both his hands real good. You just rest your chin on top of his head and kiss his adorable little horns and fill the silence by babbling on about how he did so well, and you’re so proud of him, and he makes you so, so happy. When you ask if he needs water or ice or more blankets or anything, he just faintly shakes his head. But when you ask if he just wants cuddles, that gets a definite nod, and he squeezes your hands tighter, and you just about _melt_.

                You don’t push him to say anything. It’s chill. You don’t have anything else you need to do, and being sweet with Karkat is always near the top of your priorities! You can’t see his face, so you’re not sure when he stops crying, but you can definitely feel the tensions slooooowly bleed out of him. You just hold him close and keep on talking! You’re super good at that, and you have naturally high levels of ridiculousness, especially when your mouth goes wandering off without your brain attached, and by the time Karkat drops one of your hands to half-turn and slip an arm around your waist, you can even see a faint smile on his face.

                “Feeling better?”

                “Mmm.” His head drops to your shoulder and his eyes drift shut, but he nods, and his hand is rubbing slow circles against your back.

                “Sleepy?”

                “Mmm.”

                You laugh! “I think that’s a yes!” You jostle him a teeny bit with your shoulder. “Laaaaaame, it’s barely night at all, time for round two! I never even got to get naked, and I am positively bereft!”

                His eyes stay shut, but he’s totally smiling. “I wonder whose fault that is. It must be mine, because I was definitely in a position to undress you with my tied-up hands.”

                “True, very true. I’m glad you accept the blame for your part in these tragic proceedings! For reals though, do you want to go to sleep? Because you’ve still got a lot of material all up in you that needs releasing.”

                “Mmm. Want to see how long I can. You know.”

                “You sure? Not gonna damage anything? I will be the saddest of all girlfriends if you hurt yourself because I’m not the best at alien anatomy.”

                Nnnnno answer. Pffahaha, you think he’s dozing off against your shoulder! You gently shake him awake again. “Hey, Karkat. Kaaaaaaarkat! You want me to stick around?”

                He does open his eyes for that, and gives you a flat look. “What do you _think_?”

                “Awww, I’m just checking! But you’ve gotta get up for a second so we can get under the sheets instead of freezing to death in the night. My fragile human body is very delicate! I am incapable of surviving without least one protective layer of fluffy blankets, and you’re sitting on top of all of them right now.”

                Hahaha, it takes a little hauling to get him upright, and then he mostly just sways in place with his eyes shut while you turn down the sheets. It’s a tricky process trying to guide him into the bed when he’s two thirds asleep, and when he faceplants into the pillow, it is the _cutest thing_. But aaaaah, you’re wrong, because the actual cutest thing is when you go to turn off the lights, and even in that few short seconds of you being away, he jolts upright and slurs, “Roxy??”

                As soon as you’ve flipped the switch you come right back to him and catch his hands, kissing him on each palm (and then on the tip of his nose!) before sliding into bed next to him. You’re the big spoon, because the _best_ feeling is the way Karkat tucks himself into the curve of your body and you wrap your arms around him. You can still feel his legs shaking faintly, and you rub soft little circles into his hips and just listen to him breath until finally you relax, bury your face in his shoulder, and let yourself drift into sleep.

               

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://spockandawe.tumblr.com/post/111627369841/something-beautiful-to-see-spockandawe)


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